One of the aspects of schizoid personality manifests through multiplicity of conflicts and contradictions. Such individual might present themselves as socially aloof, yet craving connections; they might appear emotionally cold, yet burning with passion for a cause or an idea; or they might seemingly lack interest in life, yet stay committed and loyal to some ideal.

Those pursuing self-awareness and knowledge might encounter yet another dichotomy, namely, the false self versus the true self. This broad concept encompasses a distinction between thoughts, feelings or behaviours that align with one's authentic motivations and drives versus those contradicting such authenticity. On a deeper level and from a more “technical” perspective, it also refers to the distinction between the persona (or a mask) versus the internal sense of self. Such dichotomy of the false and the true self can present itself through varying degrees of conscious participation. In many cases, the process can be entirely unconscious.

What is the schizoid false self?

The false self could be thought of as “the anti-self” - an opposition to what is physically true, such as one's needs. In my opinion, it has been created as a response to pains and frustrations caused by unmet needs. As a result, the false self strives for omnipotence, invulnerability, and transcendence of humanity. Essentially, it's like an urge to disconnect and remove one's self from what is physical and real, and what can create a sense of engulfment and dependence.

On the other hand, the false self represents the schizoid's pursue of autonomy, strength of will and discipline. It is also a rebellious drive against authority or entrapment.

What is the schizoid true self?

The true self is simply that which experiences needs and reacts through feelings and emotions. It is that which is connected to the body and physical needs – not just needs related to good diet and exercise, but most importantly, needs for safety, care, love and warmth.

The positive states resulting from being in touch with one's true self include flow, well-being, creativity, trust, inherent sense of meaning, motivation, ability to connect with others.

Becoming whole

The core issue that many schizoids wrestle with, consciously or unconsciously, is not the fact of having a false self, but rather - that the false and the true selves became extremely disconnected from each other. One might become an alien to one's body or needs. Such situation leads to states of dissociation, feeling stuck, feeling somewhat empty or flat.

In order to resolve this “stuckness”, the true self and the false self need to start communicating. What we call the false self is not necessarily false or untrue – it's only false in relation to what you call physically real or embodied. As I mentioned before, the false self has inherent value of discipline and willpower – essentially encompassing more cold and rational faculties in contrast to more “chaotic” or emotional aspects of one's being.

Because the false self prides itself in being strong and willing to transcend human weaknesses, it would be beneficial to balance this tendency with acknowledging the vulnerability of the true self – one's mortality, fragility, sensitivities.

The default position of the schizoid is usually that of the disconnect from anything that reminds them about their unmet needs. The true self, therefore, can be really deprived of care, love or warmth. This hunger might drive the false self towards greater shielding and pursue of strength and invulnerability. However, this can create the vicious cycle of the self-negation leading to even greater hunger.

The experience of this hunger can feel terrifying because of the intensity of cravings or feelings of lack and deprivation. By default, then, the false self might pursue maladaptive strategies to cope with such “starvations”, such as negation of needs, distraction, and various trainings to become stronger, more disciplined and self-controlling. Such strategies then lead to more unmet needs and greater sense of deprivation.

By allowing vulnerability, one invites such “troubles” of escapism and self-negation due to the rather overwhelming amount of unmet needs. However, it is the experience of vulnerability that allows one to bridge the gap between the true and the false self. Instead of the pursue of strength and self-control, it is staying with the void of unmet needs that allows for the connection with the true self. All that is lacking needs to be acknowledged and experienced without jumping into some strategies or coping mechanisms distracting one's self from the pursue of real self-care and nourishment.

What are schizoid needs?

I got asked this question numerous times. There are countless theories suggesting some universal needs shared by everyone, such as Maslow's pyramid of needs or self-determination theory. However, on the fundamental level, this question reveals the schizoid's disconnect from their own selves. It is as if they were asking me to tell them what they need, which is a rather difficult question.

Needs are something personal and refer to one's past and present experiences. If you stop eating for a few days, you will start experiencing some discomfort and a sensation of a lack. Your mind will become preoccupied with ideas and pictures of food. The same happens with other needs – in Gestalt theory, we say that what you tend to focus on can reveal what you need. This can be tricky as such preoccupations can also relate to addictions. However, addictions are manifestations of certain needs. An alcoholic might drink to fill the void of loneliness or a smoker might pursue the need for relaxation or calmness of mind.

If you ask me “What do I need?”, I could come up with universal needs, such as love or purpose, but such answer will not be personally relevant to you. It might point you in the right direction, but to really know what you need, you have to experience what is lacking in your life. What is it that causes you some form of distress? What do you tend to think about throughout the day? What do you like to fantasise about?