Ghosting and Relationships with No Meaning

Introduction: When Someone Disappears

If you're the one who got ghosted, you know how painful it can be. For some, it's even traumatising. No explanation. No goodbye. Not even a “kiss my arse”.

And if you're someone who ghosts – I invite you to read through this Reddit thread where hundreds of people share how ghosting has impacted them: r/ghosting. It’s not a pretty read.

Understanding Ghosting in the Digital Age

Ghosting is the ultimate by-product of digital life. Even if you meet someone in person, most of your interactions will probably still happen online. So when someone cuts you off, it doesn’t quite feel like a big deal – they just stop replying to your messages. No drama. No confrontation. It's almost as if you never existed.

And maybe that’s exactly the problem.

It creates this weird loop and a culture where ghosting becomes normalised. If you’ve been ghosted before, it can feel easier – even justified – to ghost someone else. For others, being ghosted enough times leads to a full collapse in trust. You start thinking everyone’s going to leave. That it’s just a matter of time.

You stop trying. Or you only let people in halfway. What’s the point?

Some of it is desensitisation. But some of it is just laziness.

Being upfront, real, honest – it takes energy. It takes emotional bandwidth. And in a world of dopamine burnout, chronic stress and overwork, it’s tempting to cut corners. One less awkward conversation. One less emotionally charged message. One less stressor to manage.

But ghosting comes with a hidden cost – for both people. Especially when it becomes a habit. A way of relating, and a rather unhealthy one.

Emotional Consequences: Trust, Meaning, and Feedback Loops

Ghosting doesn’t just hurt. It chips away at something fundamental – your sense that relationships can be real, reliable, worth investing in.

If you already live with something like Schizoid Personality, Autism, or CPTSD, ghosting might just confirm everything you already believe about people:
That connection is dangerous.
That trust is naive.
That relationships are meaningless.
That people are evil.

It's a nice little self-reinforcing feedback loop. And it's very efficient at keeping everyone isolated, avoidant, and disappointed.

Reframing the Experience

Getting ghosted can feel like proof that people are cold, unreliable, or incapable of real connection. Especially if it’s happened more than once, it’s easy to think: "That’s just how people are."

But there’s another way to relate to the experience – not by excusing it, but by using it to clarify your own values.

What if the hurt you felt actually sharpened your commitment to honesty?
What if being ghosted became the very reason you choose not to vanish on people?
What if you could break the cycle, rather than repeat it?

Of course, that doesn’t mean you owe everyone endless conversations or that you can’t walk away. But it does mean leaving in a way that reflects the kind of person you want to be – clear, kind, and real.

That’s the difference.
Ghosting is the easy way out. But clarity? That takes courage. And you can have that.

Coping With Being Ghosted

If you've been ghosted and you're struggling to process it, here are a few things that might help:

1. Validate the impact.
   You're not “too sensitive” or “overreacting”. Ghosting hurts. It triggers the part of you that wants to make sense of things, that craves clarity or closure.

2. Don't make it about your worth.
   Most of the time, ghosting says more about the other person’s avoidance than about your value.

3. Resist the urge to shut down.
   When you're hurt, the schizoid impulse to withdraw even more can feel protective. But try to notice if you're reinforcing your own story that connection is pointless or doomed.

4. Reflect, but don’t obsess.
   If there’s a pattern in the people you’re drawn to, or how fast you open up, it might be worth looking at. But you don’t need to tear yourself apart analysing it.

Spotting Ghosters: A Little Prevention

Is it possible to spot someone likely to ghost you? Sometimes, yes.

• They’re vague and noncommittal.
  If someone is slippery about plans or avoids deeper conversation, it could be a red flag.

• They overshare too quickly, then pull back.
  Fast intimacy followed by cool detachment can signal emotional instability or avoidant tendencies.

• They avoid any tension.
  If you can’t bring up even small conflicts without them shutting down, they probably won’t handle the big ones either.

• Their communication is inconsistent.
  If you constantly feel unsure where you stand, pay attention. You might be getting primed for a disappearing act.

Trust isn’t about being naive – it’s about discernment. Learn the signs, but don’t shut the door completely.

Final Thoughts: The Ghost in the Machine

The issue isn’t that people want to end contact. That’s part of life. What hurts is being left without anything – no words, no explanation, no moment of honesty.

For many ghostees, it’s not even about the ending itself – it’s about the confusion. The silence. The disorientation.

Ghosting reinforces the idea that relationships are shallow, fake, unreliable. But you don’t have to internalise that.

Being ghosted is not about you – it showed you what kind of person you have been really dealing with. And perhaps, will help you to be sharper in the future in finding people with whom you can truly connect.

And maybe, just maybe, that makes your relationships a little more real.